#MadMonday: No (body told you to buy this game, anyway) Man’s Sky

I’ve gotten far too many laughs at the expense of folks lamenting games they bought and regretted. Some people didn’t research. Some people bought games based off the hype machine. All gamers have felt the sting of buying a game, and immediately feeling like you wasted the money. And then there is the comedy from gamers who bought No Man’s Sky.

I wish I could tell you I cared (I don’t). I wish I could tell you I empathized (I don’t). I wish, more than that, I could tell you I didn’t laugh till I cried when the tweets started pouring in after release day (I did). Just so you would think, hey, Robyn isn’t so bad after all (but I am). More than any of that, I wish I could tell you that the “false advertising” investigation wasn’t real. Yes, an entitled weirdo brat filed a complaint with the Advertising Standard Authority about the fact that somehow Hello Games’ advertising didn’t match his gameplay experience. And this is where my anger comes in.

FIRST OF ALL, nobody told you to buy that game anyway. NONE OF YOU. Nobody told you to take your li’l funky ass coins and WASTE them. Nobody told you to spend a single solitary dime on that time-sink to begin with. NOBODY. But here you go, WHINING about something you literally need to suck up, buttercup.

animals. cool.

Hello Games showed you footage of a bunch of damn planets on which RNGesus may or may not bless you with a dope-ass adventure. It’s gonna be a damn planet, and there might be some animals on that jawn, or nah. BUT… they told you. So… basically, you weren’t sold a dream, you invented one. So to that I say, you THOUGHT.

Now you wanna complain, like li’l hoes. Y’all really gotta get over it. This ain’t the first game that you didn’t like or didn’t live up to the hype. At least NMS LOOKS good. Y’all ain’t complain about Ubisoft and Watch Dogs. But now you wanna complain about a game when the devs told you what it was. Maybe they ain’t tell you what it wasn’t, but Samsung ain’t tell you that the Note 7 doubled as campfire flint either yet ya bought it.

Gamers have literally grown so self-aggrandizing that their entitlement is threatening a game and developers’ work all because they didn’t “like” it. None of you deserve nice things. That’s why you got No Man’s Sky. Witcha mark asses.

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