Good afternoon football fans, I. B. Reporting here with your weekly wrap up. Week 2 was an interesting one around the league, and there is a whole lot to catch you up on. We even had a couple of coaches resign abruptly! Let’s get to it.

Green Bay 44 – New York Jets 10

The Packers continue their dominance with another blowout win in Week 2. Rodgers had 2 touchdowns, and the running back tandem of Lacy and Starks each had a rushing TD. Geno Smith followed up a solid outing with 4 interceptions, and Chris Johnson continues to be ineffective. One has to wonder how the Jets can compete when the offense looks this inept. The owner was livid about his team’s play, and he had some choice words for the team after this embarassing loss. Here’s the exclusive audio clip.

I LOOK DOWN FROM THE PRESS BOX AND WHAT DO I SEE? I SEE A LACK OF HEART! WE’RE PLAYING LIKE WE DON’T GIVE A **** RIGHT NOW! IS THAT WHO WE ARE? I DIDN’T BUY THIS TEAM BECAUSE IT WAS THE COOL THING TO DO, I BOUGHT IT BECAUSE I’M A WINNER! I’M A ******* WINNER! YOU’RE EMBARASSING ME! I WON’T ALLOW IT TO CONTINUE! START MY JET!

San Francisco 47 – Chicago 10

To quote Eminem, “whatever happened to catching a good old fashioned passionate a** whoopin?” Well, as we can see here, the practice is alive and well. Kaepernick did the bare minimum once again through the air, but the team as a whole had a monster performance on the ground. Gore led the way with 136 yards and 3 touchdowns. Kaepernick and Kendall Hunter combined for another 121 yards and 2 touchdowns. Martellus Bennett had 11 catches for 145 yards in the losing effort. There were a lot of barbs traded through the media leading up to this game, but it looks like only one team bothered to show up.

Coach Coach, explain how you feel about tonight’s outcome.

I feel like Chicago wasn’t prepared for whatever reason. You would think after saying some of the things they said earlier in the week, we would have got more of a fight. Our defense came out on full tilt, and they set the tone early. When our offense sees the defense flying around making plays, they naturally want to keep up. We excelled in all three phases of the game. It’s the type of game coaches envision when they are installing that week’s game plan. We talked it and walked it. Up and down the field.

Coach Boone, do you think your team was too focused on the war of words?

I don’t think the trash talk had anything to do with our performance. I do think we were simply caught off guard. We watched the film of the 49ers from last week, but this week’s team doesn’t resemble them at all. They used an attack we simply didn’t expect, and we weren’t ready. That is no excuse, but it is the truth. It will not happen again. We need to do a better job of keeping our composure out there, weathering the early storm.

Atlanta 34 – Cincinnati 16

This game came down to one line in the box score…..turnovers. Atlanta had one, Cincinnati had 6. End scene. Jacquizz Rodgers had 117 yards and a TD to pair with Matt Ryan’s 2. Andy Dalton just could not find the target today, completing less than half his passes while throwing more picks than Undercover Brother. One game does not a season make, but you have to wonder if the Bengals are starting to feel buyer’s remorse after rewarding Dalton with a huge contract prior to the season.

Coach Teague, will Dalton be the starter next week?

What’s your name again? Excuse me? Oh ok. Well Mr. Silly Question, yes Dalton will be the starter. You don’t yank your franchise QB after one bad game. Andy will be ok, these things happen from time to time. He knows he’s the guy, and he also knows a performance of that caliber is unacceptable. We can’t wait to get to practice and start preparing for our next opponent.

Miami 21 – Buffalo 0

This game was the site of a bizarre scene when Coach Beverly was seen headed toward the locker room well before the first half ended. Efforts to find him were unsuccessful, and the team had to finish the game without him. He still has not been located, but eyewitness accounts place him at a Wal-Mart near his residence. Before he left, he was witness to a game that surely would have turned even more ugly without the distraction. Tannehill had a perfect passer rating, bouncing back nicely from his epic 4th quarter meltdown in Week 1.

Coach Brown, give us your thoughts on Coach Beverly’s abrupt exit.

It was the strangest thing I have ever seen. He just left, without warning. It’s unprecedented really. We have no idea why he left, if he is ok, if there was an emergency, if he quit……nothing. One minute he was slamming clipboards, doing what upset coaches do. And the next, poof…..he was gone. The NFL’s Keyzer Soze.

Washington 13 – Jacksonville 10

RG3 went 19 for 23 to improve the Redskins to 2-0. Pierre Garcon led the receivers with 99 yards and a TD. Blake Bortles continues to have a rough time adjusting to the NFL game, and the Jaguars offense is struggling as a result. Toby Gerhart had a decent game, but he will need a shoulder a bigger load until Blake gets comfortable under center.

Blake, how are you dealing with the learning curve the NFL has presented you?

It’s an adjustment for sure, but all I can do is continue to work. Watch film, practice hard, and ontinue to try and translate all of that hard work to the field on Sundays. 

Tennessee 28 – Dallas 21

The Cowboys suffered a heartbreaking defeat to fall to 0-2. Romo looked absolutely horrible with a 5 interception effort, while Jack Locker was a model of efficiency. Dexter McCluster rushed for 124 yards and 3 TD’s in a fantastic effort. Romo has had a very shaky start to the season, and will need to elevate his play in a hurry.

Romo, can you explain your slow start this season?

If I could, I would. 

Minnesota 41 – New England 31

Teddy Bridgewater outplayed Tom Brady to lead his Vikings to a 41-31 victory. Adrian Peterson had a very human 35 yards, but still managed to score twice. The Vikings had 3 100 yard receivers on the day, and Peterson was almost the fourth with 88 yards. New England’s new look secondary didn’t look so hot today. I’m sure Coach Whittaker had a few words in the locker room for them.

Coach Wilf, did you see anything in the Pats defense that made you feel you could have success throwing the ball?

No. I saw something in my quarterback. He looked excellent in practice this week, so coming into the game I had full confidence in Teddy’s ability to move the ball. He made me look good out there, and I appreciate it.

Coach Whittaker, what happened with the secondary today?

You saw the game. They got torched. Next question.

Cleveland 42 – New Orleans 3

The Browns continue their impressive start to the season with a complete annihilation of the Saints. Drew Brees was held in check all day, while Johnny Manziel added 2 TD’s to his season total. Ben Tate rushed for 99 yards, and Johnny spread the love to all his receivers. Manziel continued his streak of memorable quotes with this gem of an exchange.

Johnny, can you explain what led to this win?

Sure. It was criminal.

I don’t follow Johnny.

When you want to solve a crime, just follow the money. Shout out to my OVO fam.

Houston 42 – Oakland 18

The Texans had a complete effort from start to finish in this one. Jimmy Garoppolo completely reversed course this week, throwing for 5 touchdowns in this contest. The Texans former QB, Matt Schaub, had a rough go of it. Andre Johnson and Percy Harvin were pretty much unstoppable for the Texans, combining for 20 catches and almost 250 yards. Coach Davenport was in good spirits after the game.

Coach Davenport, did you notice anything different in your team leading up to the game?

I saw an intense focus that wasn’t there last week. We needed to get that loss out of our memory, and we did in an emphatic fashion. Now it’s all about using this momentum to launch into next week.

Denver 35 – Kansas City 21

Peyton Manning led his troops to a 35-21 win over the Chiefs to improve to 1-1. Emmanuel Sanders had a 96 yard day to lead the Broncos receivers, and Wes Welker added another 80. Von Miller was very active with 3 sacks on the day. Jamaal Charles ran for 121 yards in the losing effort. It wasn’t the most dominating performance we have seen from the Broncos, but it was enough.

Von Miller, you had 3 sacks today in a win. Tell us how you were able to find the quarterback.

I just made sure to make the most of my opportunities. When I found myself able to beat my man, I made sure to make it count. Nothing more to it.

Indianapolis 17 – Philadelphia 10

The Colts won a hard fought contest to secure the win in Week 2. Andrew Luck didn’t have a great game, but his defense was able to make enough plays to help him out. Stevan Ridley and Trent Richardson both scored once, although Trent only had 3 yards on 2 carries. Vontae Davis and Josh Gordy had 2 timely interceptions to help hold the Eagles to 10 points. Vontae is on the mic.

Vontae, do you think you get the respect you deserve as a young cornerback in this league?

No, I don’t. There is a lot of talk about who is the best corner in the league. I’m not going to sit here and say I’m the best, but I do feel I’m in the discussion. Everytime my name goes unmentioned, it makes me want to go even harder. So if you are a fan of quarterbacks, you might want to start mentioning me.

There’s the full rundown of your Week 2 action. Tune in next week for a full recap of Week 3. I. B. Reporting, signing off.